"Future Shoes" by Michael Finley

This column was adapted for use by FUTURE TENSE, NPR's tech program. To hear it, click here.

The Techno Answer Man has been grinding out user questions for over fourteen years. Here he is again, with another helpful installment of Happy Computing!

Dear Techno Answer Man: I recently took my computer tower in for repairs after experiencing problems with booting up Windows 95. They say the drive is dead, but it's only 6 months old. Can you help?
Gwen W., Kalispell MT

What would you think the odds are that the people you showed your computer to would understand your problem less than the Techno Answer Man, who has never seen your damn machine and couldn't care less about it? Not too good, I'd say.

Dear Techno Answer Man: I recently bought a Compaq Presario 1810 laptop. It's giving me conniptions. It won't shut down completely, the screen flickers and spasms, and it won't start up again unless I hold it diagonally! Whenever I try to do work on it goes into diskscan for about 15 minutes, then the screen goes blank. Unless I hold the CTRL key down during startup, I get the CMOS screen. I have spent three months trying to get Compaq, or anyone, to help me with this nightmare. What should I do?
Jack S., Phoenix

I'm not familiar with that model. A common assumption is that I have every computer ever made, and I know every one inside and out. For that to be true I would need a very large office, and a very small life. The truth is, I only have one laptop, a Dell, and none of that ever happens on mine. Happy Computing Tip #3,281: Unless you want lemonade, don't buy lemons.

Dear Techno Answer Man: I love Happy Computing! and read it every chance I get. Here's my problem. I run my laptop from the battery a lot, and I'm trying to come up with a way to know what the battery's life expectancy is. Have you dealt with this problem?
Allen H., Willamette CT

What I do, I run the computer until the screen gets real dim, and then I recharge the battery. Or I put another one in. Duh.

Dear Techno Answer Man: I recently created a macro that allows you to create flashing type in Word 97. It's easy to toggle on, and you can make all sorts of interesting special typographical effects with it. I use it for web sites, banners, and birthday cards. The kids especially like it. Would you like to share it with your readers?
Ferd N., Castalia OH

No.

Dear Techno Answer Man: My monitor is fine most of the time. But every now and then, when I'm just sitting down in front of it, the image shimmies, and the only thing that makes it right again is if I power down and then up. Any idea what what the problem might be?
Arturo C., Schenectady NY

Yes. Your monitor is busted.

Dear Techno Answer Man: I am looking for a reliable encryption program to keep my files from falling into the wrong hands. I'm aware of several products on the market, but don't know which one is best. I'm betting you have a terrific recommendation for me.
Neil S., Tucumcari NM

Neil, what makes you think anyone on this earth would want to read your files? I could barely make it through your letter. It's not like you're running a school for industrial espionage. Natural boringness is all the security you will ever need, and you've got it in spades.

Dear Techno Answer Man: My modem, a v90 USRobotics Sportster, doesn't connect with my ISP. I don't know if there's an AT command out of synch in the INIT string, or my modem just doesn't like my ISP's modems. Anyway, I dial, and it rings, and it wants to connect, but it just hangs up. I don't know what to do. Techno Answer Man, you're my last hope.
Lisa D., Baltimore

Keep dialing, Lisa -- maybe you'll get lucky.

That's all for this installment. But hold onto your technology questions till the next time Techno Answer Man agrees to read his mail. Till then -- Happy Computing!

 

Techno Answer Man is the copyrighted creation of Michael Finley. Any unauthorized reproduction or use of the Techno Answer Man name or trademark will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

To purchase Techno Answer Man's Happy Computing!, or the sequels More Happy Computing!, Even More Happy Computing!, and Really, Really Happy Computing!: The Very Best of Techno Answer Man, visit his website at http://mfinley.com.

 

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